The Secret To Creating Calm In Your Home
by Susan on January 29, 2010
“Nothing is so aggravating as calmness.” -Oscar Wilde
| When your child is on the rampage for a good fight, the worst thing you can do is give her one. Rise above the fray of the moment and lovingly stand your ground with complete calm. It takes an incredible amount of self-discipline, but you’ll be amazed at the results once you can do it. Your kids will get so frustrated at you for being so mature instead of the other way around – you becoming frustrated with them for being immature. It’s a much better position to be in – and, it can be pretty entertaining to watch. Just be sure to stifle your grin when your kids, in all earnestness, cry out, “Mom! Stop agreeing with me and being so calm!!!”
When your child is trying her best to irritate you and engage you in a battle of wills, nothing – and I mean nothing – will frustrate her more than your unwavering sense of cool. Now, this might not be the most mature reason to remain ScreamFree, but in this case, the means do justify the ends. Hal Runkel – ScreamFree Parenting
This falls right into my new technique that I am encouraging parents I work with to try……..to just say nothing when things are starting to go in the wrong direction! It is amazing what ends up happening when you do not begin the struggle/engagement with your child. They are expecting you to do the same thing you have always done, so when you behave differently they are thrown off guard! I encourage you to try this approach today, when you see that things are beginning to escalate between you and your child or more conversation about a certain topic will only lead to a power struggle…..just say nothing…..for 30 seconds. It is a long time, but I can almost guarantee your child will look at you dumbfounded or will have already walked away! I would love to hear how it goes!
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Tagged as:
calm,
peaceful,
power struggle,
self discipline
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Susan – this is a great tactic! I will definitely use it soon. I know that when Little Boy is shouting and being wild, if I whisper, he has to slow down to hear – it works wonders. Now if I can just get in the habit of whispering more often…
Thanks Melissa, I love the whisper tactic too!
LOL, they really do despise when we don’t feed into their chaos don’t they? My 7 year old son has taught me so much about these kinds of things, because he LOVES to bait me. I have learned over time how to not allow myself into those tug of wars….most of the time anyway.
His LEAST favorite phrase, and one I hardly ever have to say anymore is….’I love you too much to argue’ and I say that ad nauseum if I have too. He walks away all frustrated that I won’t engage in a verbal argument with him but it works. He then comes back later, much more calm and we can talk about it OR he just forgets about it all together because he realized it was not life and death. (This is a Love & Logic tactic, one that goes hand in hand with SF)