I am exhausted, overwhelmed, grumpy and not being a very good family manager, mom or even wife right now either. Yes, I know….I am the one behind, “The Confident Mom,” shelling out great information, advice and practical solutions to those common frustrating situations that moms second guess themselves with everyday. But you know what; I find that at times I cannot even listen to my own advice. Does that ever happen to you?
I hate to even have to admit to you all that I am in a FUNK (notice the capital letters there!) and the truth is, it is my own entire fault. Now don’t think I came to that conclusion right away, I was very good at pointing the finger to everyone else in the family, all my other roles I have – mom, wife, business owner, writer, product developer, friend, dog walker, and managing my home – seemed like the culprits of my FUNK. After I sat and actually took the time to hear God in this whole crazy mess, I realized (I am sure through His graceful nudging that He uses with me often) that I created all of this on my own. Adding to my plate with the things that I thought were important when it was already full with items that He had for me to do.
I know first and foremost I am to be a supporter for my husband, then a powerful nurturing mom for my kids, then truly value myself enough to listen to my own advice and NOT keep adding to my plate things that don’t need to be there. I had no time for myself, to do the things that I know feed my soul and keep me being the best of all of these roles I play today. I had fallen into this pattern of sitting at my desk working so much, that I would lose the day – before I knew it the clock said 3 PM and everyone was walking in the door expecting me to be mom, but wait – I wasn’t done with the stuff I needed to do for me the business owner. I would try to multi-task but my kids would see right through me and realize I wasn’t completely there for them.
As often is the case, things just came tumbling down for me last night. I just had the pressure and stress that can severely impact my health and well being and I knew this roller coaster had to stop. My husband saw it, has been saying things to me the past few weeks. As some of you know we are venturing into Foster Care, hoping to add at least one member to our family – and he knowingly sees that adding another smaller member to the family would be the thing that topples this whole huge teetering load that I am carrying. He said something would have to change or we could not realistically proceed. Well, I know deep down our family is suppose to go on this journey of allowing our hearts to be taken over by a child who has not felt that kind of love before, that we are equipped to help this little person have a forever home and feel connected like never before. So when he said this, I knew something had to change. I feel so passionately about our walk into foster care/adoption that if I am allowing something else to take priority, it needs to change.
So with all this revelation, what’s a mom to do? Well, I have booked me a little hotel room at a place nearby to have my own little retreat. I did get to go away last weekend with my bible study gals on a beach retreat, but it did not meet the need that I have to be still and listen. So, I went on Priceline, plugged in my preferences and rolled the dice. I got a great price on a surprisingly beautiful hotel where there is a big cushy robe waiting just for me to wrap myself in. I have a stack of books to take along – most importantly my bible, that honestly has gotten a little dusty lately (one big hint to me that I have been trying to run my own show!) as well as some tea, snacks, worship music, and a few other items that I know will refresh my soul. The best part – maybe you didn’t notice the big thing I am not taking, my computer. I will be fasting from the computer and this is really hard for me, but I know I must disconnect in order to listen.
Off I go in a few hours to reconnect with God, myself and re-prioritize my life. It is spring you know, and maybe this is just the rejuvenation that I need to come out on the other side with a better attitude, plan and more joy flowing inside me.
So there you have it, the confessions of a crabby mom – one who is worn down and needs refueled. I hope my confession will strike a cord with someone who reads this and realize that they too have the control to calm down, live more purposefully and enjoy more things EVERYDAY, not just the once in awhile things. That’s what I have been missing – the everyday joy.