Confessions of a Crabby, Worn Out Mom

26
Mar
2010


I am exhausted, overwhelmed, grumpy and not being a very good family manager, mom or even wife right now either.  Yes, I know….I am the one behind, “The Confident Mom,”  shelling out great information, advice and practical solutions to those common frustrating situations that moms second guess themselves with everyday.  But you know what; I find that at times I cannot even listen to my own advice.  Does that ever happen to you?

I hate to even have to admit to you all that I am in a FUNK (notice the capital letters there!) and the truth is, it is my own entire fault.  Now don’t think I came to that conclusion right away, I was very good at pointing the finger to everyone else in the family, all my other roles I have – mom, wife, business owner, writer, product developer, friend, dog walker, and managing my home – seemed like the culprits of my FUNK.  After I sat and actually took the time to hear God in this whole crazy mess, I realized (I am sure through His graceful nudging that He uses with me often) that I created all of this on my own.  Adding to my plate with the things that I thought were important when it was already full with items that He had for me to do.

I know first and foremost I am to be a supporter for my husband, then a powerful nurturing mom for my kids, then truly value myself enough to listen to my own advice and NOT keep adding to my plate things that don’t need to be there.  I had no time for myself, to do the things that I know feed my soul and keep me being the best of all of these roles I play today.  I had fallen into this pattern of sitting at my desk working so much, that I would lose the day – before I knew it the clock said 3 PM and everyone was walking in the door expecting me to be mom, but wait – I wasn’t done with the stuff I needed to do for me the business owner.  I would try to multi-task but my kids would see right through me and realize I wasn’t completely there for them.

As often is the case, things just came tumbling down for me last night.  I just had the pressure and stress that can severely impact my health and well being and I knew this roller coaster had to stop.  My husband saw it, has been saying things to me the past few weeks.   As some of you know we are venturing into Foster Care, hoping to add at least one member to our family – and he knowingly sees that adding another smaller member to the family would be the thing that topples this whole huge teetering load that I am carrying.  He said something would have to change or we could not realistically proceed.  Well,  I know deep down our family is suppose to go on this journey of allowing our hearts to be taken over by a child who has not felt that kind of love before, that we are equipped to help this little person have a forever home and feel connected like never before.  So when he said this, I knew something had to change.  I feel so passionately about our walk into foster care/adoption that if I am allowing something else to take priority, it needs to change.

So with all this revelation, what’s a mom to do?  Well, I have booked me a little hotel room at a place nearby to have my own little retreat.  I did get to go away last weekend with my bible study gals on a beach retreat, but it did not meet the need that I have to be still and listen.  So, I went on Priceline, plugged in my preferences and rolled the dice.  I got a great price on a surprisingly beautiful hotel where there is a big cushy robe waiting just for me to wrap myself in.  I have a stack of books to take along – most importantly my bible, that honestly has gotten a little dusty lately (one big hint to me that I have been trying to run my own show!) as well as some tea, snacks, worship music, and a few other items that I know will refresh my soul.  The best part – maybe you didn’t notice the big thing I am not taking, my computer.  I will be fasting from the computer and this is really hard for me, but I know I must disconnect in order to listen.

Off I go in a few hours to reconnect with God, myself and re-prioritize my life.  It is spring you know, and maybe this is just the rejuvenation that I need to come out on the other side with a better attitude, plan and more joy flowing inside me.

So there you have it, the confessions of a crabby mom – one who is worn down and needs refueled.  I hope my confession will strike a cord with someone who reads this and realize that they too have the control to calm down, live more purposefully and enjoy more things EVERYDAY, not just the once in awhile things.  That’s what I have been missing – the everyday joy.

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  • Jennifer

    Bless you as you retreat into what is most important; to renew, rejuvenate & refresh, as well as to prepare for the new season ahead. As a mom who added 4 at once to our family through the gift of adoption, I pray you are fortified with everything you will need for life and G-dliness. May He meet you where you are and take you far beyond and exceed all of your expectations. May your joy be made complete as you seek first the Kingdom of G-D. May you be blessed with even more of the fruit of righteousness that you’ve shown here in integrity and a humble heart.

  • http://www.theconfidentmom.com Susan

    Thank you so much Jennifer. I am sure it have some things to learn from you – 4 at once, wow! I am looking forward to hearing Him….. and resting :-)

  • Tiffany

    Susan,
    I wish you all the rest and retreat you can get from a night away, for yourself. If screamfree touts one thing it is to take care of yourself, the rest will fall into place much more easily.

    As a family who has fostered, I know all too well how adding new children to the mix is a whole new challenge. One that you can do all you can to prepare for but also one that you have to be relaxed enough to go with the flow too. We went from 2 kids to 5 kids in a matter of 2 hours and those 1st few days are a blurr, lol. It was great but it was hard, no doubt.
    I feel your conviction when you say that you know you are to be a part of foster care. It is a full release of your heart and home. Giving up your home is easy, right? Your heart is an entire other thing.
    I will pray for you on your journey and I hope God makes it clear the exact plan he has for you and that it matches with what you envision.
    (((HUGS))) and God Bless you and your family.

  • http://www.bigbinder.wordpress.com Jen @ BigBinder

    I do this every year and it saves my sanity. I just did a blog post about it a few weeks ago – I can see the ‘before’ writing and ‘after’ writing and it’s pretty different. Have a wonderful time!

  • Lori

    Susan, just wanted to say thank you for being transparent. I’m so sorry for the FUNK, but grateful for the little window into your world that brings encouragement to the rest of us. We all stumble occasionally. It’s just so nice to see a bit of your process in recognizing the problems and then fixing them. Thanks, Lori <

  • http://www.theconfidentmom.com Susan

    AWE, thank you Lori for the nice comments. Yes, I felt I needed to share my journey, as it will hopefully help someone else. I am not perfect and experience it all just like everyone else, it is how we end up dealing with everything that is the bottom line! I so appreciate your time to leave a comment for me!

  • Sarah T

    Thank you! I just happened upon this post while having a pretty crabby day. It pretty much sums up what I have been dealing with. I know that where I need to be is not where I am and the struggle is being able to take that time. And first and foremost get my focus back to my first love – Christ! I am not a super woman, and I don’t have to say yes to everything. I know I am a year behind, but I hope your rest has rejuvenated you! Blessings!

  • Dawn D.

    Susan! As always, I appreciate your candour. I love that you are my friend, and always are willing to share, even when it sometimes its not all rosy. Thanks for reminding me to think about me. I am walk through a tough time right now, trying to understand what God is saying. And rather than being still and listening, I think I am keeping busy….. Sounds like I need to make a date with myself, and God. Be blessed Friend.

  • http://www.theconfidentmom.com Susan

    Thanks Dawn – appreciate you taking the time to share. Time to yourself may certainly be what God is needing you focus on so He can get you through. Blessings!

  • Cheryl

    I am so worn out right now that I actually googled “worn out moms” just to see if anyone else felt this way! Pretty sad, right?!! I absolutely love the part you wrote about “being still & listening”. It’s so vital for our well being to do that sometimes. Even if we’re not in a position right now that we can go away from things, and get a hotel room, we can still always find a place to be still & listen. I think it helps moms even if they’re only able to do this for an hour or two. Everyone in the family always needs us for something that it’s so vital to step away from everything momentarily, and when you come back they will have a better wife, and mom!

  • http://www.theconfidentmom.com Susan

    I am so glad I could share my experience with you to let you know YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! I pray you find peace amidst the running around and needs of little ones. You do need to re-charge too!