“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”
-Mark Twain
Hal’s Take: Being comfortable in your own skin is one of the most endearing qualities that you can possess. When you stop and think about the people in your life that you just love to be around, chances are, they are very much at peace with themselves.
Way too often, we chase this comfort by seeking the approval of others. We NEED to know that they approve of how we’re living our lives and raising our kids. In the saddest cases, we seek this approval from our own children. None of this will get us anywhere. Only by learning to value ourselves can we relax and be comfortable with others.
-Hal Runkel, LMFT author of ScreamFree Parenting
The Confident Mom’s Take: I completely agree with what Hal says here. In addition, I think feeling comfortable in your own skin has a lot to do with being a Confident Mom. Knowing the decisions you are making for your family are the right ones and knowing the reasons behind those decisions are key to you being comfortable. Often times moms I begin coaching with are struggling with being judged or viewed too critically by others. We work together to find a concrete backbone to how they want to parent, what is important to them as a family and how those fit in with their priorities. When you can answer those questions, you have a great combination for being comfortable with you and making those tough decisions!
For more information on ScreamFree Parenting and how you can begin to raise responsible and caring adults, click here.
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Amen to that. Just the other day our 5th grade girl was talking about another girl in her class that was ‘not bragging’ but talking about all of things she recieved for her birthday, iPod, laptop, cell phone from all of her step-dads. I thought to myself, that was sad that this girl had so many parents that were contending for her affection. Anyway, we asked her if she was telling us because she does not have any of those things. She said no and then Dana said “If we gave you all of those things in one year, what would we give you the next year?” and she said “Well, that is true, there would be nothing left”.
Making the decision not to have gaming systems, cell phones for the kids, laptops, iPods and the like, has caused me to struggle internally. After that conversation with our daughter I whispered to my husband, we are doing the right thing right, not giving into all of the expensive technology just because? It does our kids good, right? He reaffirmed that it already has and it will continue to as well. I breathed a sigh of relief and moved on.
I cant think of one single friend of hers that doesn’t have some high tech gadget or that also gets to watch rated R movies. I know it affects her and she knows she is kind of alone in that but we try to let her know that these decisions are based on what WE think is best and what we are comfortable with but it is tough. I remember all too well striving to be popular but never, ever making it. Luckily my husband and partner in all of this is very comfortable in his skin and over the 20 years I have been with him, I have become more and more comfortable. But my child can pull at my heart strings from time to time making it difficult to reach full comfort.
Again Tiffany, you bring such wisdom and insight to my posts! Thank you for taking the time to share personally, from your heart and your family experiences for us all to grow. Have a great day!