“Home is the place where boys and girls first learn how to limit their wishes, abide by rules, and consider the rights and needs of others.” – Sidonie Gruenberg, author
Jenny’s Take: I talked to a woman the other day who said to me, “I can’t tell my 6 year old son no. He throws tantrums if I do.” I may be preaching to the choir here, but even the choir members sometimes need a little encouragement. Kids need to know that they not the most powerful members in your family. When your child starts acting entitled, don’t feel guilty for correcting them. That’s your job.
Let junior know what is and what isn’t acceptable in very clear terms and then follow through on your consequences. Who cares if they don’t like having limits? That doesn’t mean they don’t need them. Be matter of fact and calm in your actions and don’t take their protests personally. Kids are craving this kind of leadership – tantrums are just immature ways of asking for it. – Jenny Runkel, Director of Content for The ScreamFree Institute
The Confident Mom’s Take: Can I just get an “Amen”? I don’t know about you, but when I am out doing errands it seems I am constantly in the presence of moms who feel like it is the worse thing if they say no, or perhaps make little Johnny wait. Or even more……suggest and follow through with the thought that they could at least contain their screaming and fit throwing until after they have gone through the check out!
We are guilty of raising a generation who does feel entitled and even more so, feels that they can manipulate their parents to get what THEY want – not what they NEED! Our kids are constantly testing us, seeing how far they can push us and honestly – they don’t want you to fail. Even though it may seem they want to be able to control when they eat, how much they eat, when they go to bed, how they go to bed, they are really craving leadership. You need to step up to the plate and start leading them and giving them an example of what it means to be a parent and someone they can trust and have confidence in.
If this is an area you struggle in – please don’t let you go on for one more day! By focusing on your actions and what you contribute to your child’s behavior you can make changes, very powerful ones at that! Join other moms on a journey to discover the real truths about authentic parenting – Avoid a crazy, chaotic summer by become the COOL mom your kids really need! ScreamFree for Busy Moms starts June 7th – don’t let another overwhelmed and stressed out day go by! Join with a friend and you each save $9 each!
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Something that I try to live by everyday – but thanks for the reminder and the reassurance!
A couple of days ago, I left my half-full trolley in the middle of the supermarket and led all 4 of my kids back to the car. Two of my girls were whining, and it’s no fun to shop with someone crying over nothing.
I drove home and left two of my kids with my husband. I just deposited them inside the door, briefly explained the situation to him, and then drove back to the shop with the two happy girls.
When I reached the supermarket, my trolley was still where I left it, and I continued shopping in peace.
Sure, I burned a little more petrol in making the extra trip home, but I felt exhilarated by following through.
Everyone learned a lesson that day — the whining kids learned that they shouldn’t whine, the happy kids learned that they shouldn’t whine, everyone saw that I followed through with my threats, and I learned that a peaceful supermarket visit is worth the hassle of driving home again!
To anyone who is struggling, I’d suggest — follow through with your threats! You’ll be so glad you did!
I love your advice for those struggling to follow through – just do it! It is funny the more you start following through the less you will have to do it! Kudos to you!!
I can always tell when I am not doing a good job following through, the kids are super unruley. I then reflect on the last few days and can pin it on the fact that I have not been following through. At the ages of 7 and 11, they are pretty easy and it is a fun age.
In fact, last night, my 7 year old did something at the dinner table that is not approved, I called him out on it and gave him the ‘look’. He proceeded to get up and put himself in time-out. I almost started laughing because he put himself there, I had no intention of even mentioning time-out. I let him walk back to the time-out spot (which is hardly ever used these days), let him sit for like 30 seconds and said “We really don’t want to eat dinner without you, please come back and don’t do X again”.
I always say I was PAINFULLY consistent when they were little and I mean it. Being consistent is painful but that pain 100% pays off in the long run. I really do enjoy spending time with my kids whereas, I can’t really say that about when they were toddlers. Sure, they were cute and fun as toddlers but the time I ACTUALLY enjoyed was much less than it is now.
My kids do NOT have the most power in the house. They have power over the things they earn power over, like stuff they buy with their own money, when they go to the bathroom, how much they eat and when they go to sleep. But otherwise, they have to earn power.
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