No Martyr Moms Allowed

12
May
2014

No-Martyr-Moms

I asked a few weeks ago in my bi-monthly newsletter (if you do not get it, you can subscribe here!)  what you needed help conquering in your daily life – and many of you responded with pleas!

So every few weeks I will be responding to some of those questions with some tips from my own personal experience.

Today I will be sharing my suggestions to this questions I got from Elena:

The thing I really struggle with is delegating chores/tasks to my kids, and asking my husband for help.  I end up trying to do it all, which of course I can’t, so I crash and burn, hold my resentment in and feel like a martyr.  Not good!  
I am sure we can all relate  - I am the worst at asking for help, but you know….I am also the only one to blame when I do not.  Here are some tips to help you conquer this tricky issue.
 
You can’t do it all
 
Realize that it is totally okay and logically that you cannot run every aspect of your home on your own.  Period!  I think we often feel like we have to have our hands in every aspect of running our home and it doesn’t always work the best like that.  Giving yourself permission – it’s a good thing to let go.  The Weekly Household Planner is a great place to jump off to assigning small tasks to others, you can highlight tasks by color for different people, which many moms have found super helpful!
 
Small Tasks
 
Take baby steps in doling out tasks to others in your home.  If the dinner hour is overwhelming and you find yourself blowing your top because too much is going on and expected of you, then assign something to someone else.  Table setting, clean-up, a “mommy’s helper” for each night in the kitchen, or even give a night over to your older child or spouse.  It is okay – and likely will be the best thing you can do – giving up that responsibility.
 
Start Young
 
The younger you start to pass tasks and jobs onto your children, the better it is for everyone.  It becomes habit and an expectation, rather than as the years go by you decide to “ask” them to help out.  Everyone lives in your home so everyone should help with it’s running.  A home will not run smoothly or in harmony when one person is doing it all.
 
Do Not Nag
 
When you set up expectations for help around the home, whether it is with your kids or spouse, set up the expectation and also the consequence.  Perhaps it means if certain tasks are not completed the family won’t be able to play a game in the evening.  Having a chore system in your home is critical to success.  I wrote a few posts on tips with chores if you need more help in this area.  If you need more help, I share some extra tips on home management here too.
 
Enjoy
 
Learn to enjoy the benefits of having other help out.  I struggle with pride issues with regard to feeling like I have to do everything in my home in addition to thinking that everyone else should be able to read my mind, which logically is ridiculous.  So I have to really pray and remember that I am human and so is everyone else.

Grab a copy of Become a Frugalista – Money-Saving Secrets for the Frugal Family Manager – Monday – May 12th and Tuesday – May 13th for only $.99!

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