Last week my boys ran inside and said, “Mom, mom…it’s so hot outside! Can we see if it’s hot enough to cook an egg on the sidewalk?” The practical side of me started to say no, but then I caught myself. What would it hurt for them to try it? Why couldn’t I say yes? Is it “wasting” an egg, or simply using it for a different, but just as valuable, purpose?
After that quick argument in my head, I finally said, “Sure. If you want to try it, go ahead! Just make sure you wash off the sidewalk when you’re done.” They got an egg from the refrigerator and ran out of the house to try their science experiment.
Over 24 years of mothering, I’ve finally learned how to be a “yes” mom more than a “no” mom. It wasn’t an easy transition…but it was an important one. For years my interactions with my kids looked more like this:
- “No, you can’t fingerpaint.” (It will make too much of a mess.)
- “No, you can’t bake cookies today.” (I just mopped the kitchen floor!)
- “No, you can’t have a friend over today.” (I don’t want to go anywhere today and I’d have to go get them.)
- “No, you can’t play in the sprinklers.” (I’m not in the mood for wet swimsuits, towels, and grass tracked in the house.)
- “No, you can’t go out and play in the snow.” (I don’t want to deal with the snowsuits, boots, gloves, scarves, and hassle of it all.)
Over time, however, I started paying attention to the “no’s” and my reasoning behind them. It usually had something to do with my selfish reasons. I didn’t want to deal with a mess. I didn’t want to be inconvenienced. I didn’t want to have more work to do.
That’s not fun to admit, but it was true. My selfishness was robbing my kids of some of the joy of just being kids!
I remember one afternoon many years ago when a couple of the kids asked, “Can we blow bubbles in the house? I initially said no because bubbles have always been an outside activity. But then I thought about my answer. Why couldn’t they blow bubbles in the house? We even have the bubble cups that don’t spill! Why do I always say no so quickly? Finally, I called my kids back into the kitchen and said, “Yes, you can blow bubbles in the house. Have a blast.”
And they did.
And I started being more of a “yes” mom, than a “no” mom that day.
Now I’m not talking here about permissive parenting. I’m not talking about the times that we need to say no because our kids really do need us to set boundaries. I’m talking about the times that I say no out of selfishness, or default, or habit.
So what about you? I’m going to declare July as “yes” mom month. Would you like to join me? I want to hear your “yes” mom stories over the next month. And I want to ask you to share this post with other moms who need to be encouraged as well. If you’re a blogger, here’s a button to post on your blog to issue the challenge to others and get as many moms involved as possible.
This post was previously posted by Jill Savage on July 28, 2009.
http://www.hearts-at-home.org/
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
My mom was a “yes” mom and I am so glad she was, because I think without her influence I would have been a “no” mom because I do like things a certain way. So now, whenever I really want to say “no” because of a selfish reason of mine, I think about my own mom and how she would have answered us.
There are obviously limits because we want our children to learn to accept the answer “no” sometimes, but saying “yes” to their creative pursuits has served me and my children well so far.
Beautifully written! A couple of months of ago, I wrote a blog post about what I learned from my 4 year old daughter. Very similar concept as this article. It’s those kind of moments that make you realize that not only are our children learning from us but we learn many life lessons from them too!
I used to always say NO to my kids when they wanted to get down the playdough because of the mess. Then my daughter’s pre-school teacher told me that I needed to do more things at home to help her develop her fine motor schools. One of the things she recommended was playdough.
HUGE light bulb moment for me.
Children need to play to learn! Now I actually ask my daughter if she wants to get down the playdough.
Great AHA moment for you! Wonderful that you could detect that and know what was best for your daughter and what else it could create for her!