I recently took Susan’s fantastic course on Scream Free Parenting.
One of the perspective of the course that truly resonated with me was that the work of parenting is really about working on yourself as a parent. Taking the effort you need to care for yourself, so you can be a parent and model for your children, is of top priority– though far too often, moms put their own self care last on the list.
For me, my number one struggle is managing the stress in my life in a healthy way. I was simply not prepared for the intensity of raising little ones, and the day to day stresses of motherhood quickly overwhelmed me.
I became really convicted of this a while ago when I began to reflect on what was happening within the dynamic between me and my oldest (3 yr old) son. I sometimes found ourselves locked in a struggle where I was expressing my anger through raising my voice and escalating the tension when I was disciplining him and he was not responding the way I wanted him to.
After these incidents, when I had calmed down, I thought about what was really happening. It occurred to me that I was interacting with him from a total stress response…and worst of all, my reaction to stress was putting my son in a stress response as well. I wasn’t calming the situation and then clearly and decisively handling the discipline– instead I was adding to the fiery energy and my son was reacting from a fight or flight response. And, of course, this just firmly entrenched us in a downward spiral.
It was my first huge aha moment that kids are our mirrors. I was “seeing” myself in his reactions and it was not pretty. Not at all the parent I wanted to be.
I believe that getting a handle on how we respond to stress in our lives is essential to good parenting. Really, it is essential to good living. It’s why I took this so seriously once I recognized the pattern creeping into my life.
As a holistic health coach, I knew ways to manage stress and live more calmly, I just wasn’t applying it. I was allowing my busy mom lifestyle to become an excuse for taking excellent care of myself, and it was backfiring.
I know other moms feel the same way I do and struggle with the same thing. So, I’ve created a no-fee course for busy moms who want to learn skills on how to live with less stress and more calm. Parenting from a calm, centered place is a much more enjoyable experience all around.
I can not recommend Susan’s down to earth, balanced and inspiring course on Scream Free Parenting more. The material is top notch, but so is her seasoned, compassionate and approachable manner.
And if you find that self care, and in particular, managing your stress in healthy ways, is something you could use more support and tools around, I invite you to join my upcoming course, or read more details here.
Lisa Byrne is a health coach who helps busy moms take great care of themselves. She blogs at The WellGrounded Life, teaches course and leads workshops when she is not burping a baby or chasing a toddler around.
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My kids are older than yours, but I have seen how my recent stress has been affecting our family in a not-very-good way.
I am the barometer of the house it seems. My moods seem to drive the mood of the house. If I am upset or worried, it affects everyone. At the same time, if I am happy and carefree, it lifts the spirits of the house. Not sure that it is healthy that so much of the emotion of the house is derived from one person, but that is how it seems here. I can usually put on a happy face, but lately, I have been struggling. Through my ordeal of late, I have seen how much it truly has affected everyone. It made me realize I have to take care of me too, because in a sense, it is taking care of everyone in an indirect way.
So, I have recommitted to daily exercise and visiting some with friends. I think part of my crabbiness is that I feel like I have lost myself to some degree, and I have to re-find me!
Thanks for the great post!
Thanks for sharing! I also can really tell when my moods are dictating the energy of our home– and I think you are absolutely right that taking care of yourself is essential.
Susan,
Thank you so much for allowing me to guest post in this space– it’s an honor!
-Lisa
You are so right – I couldn’t agree more, MOM is the barometer of the house! When we take the time to care for ourselves EVERYONE gets the reward!
Lisa, you are a wealth of information – I am so glad you are here to support moms!
While I know that my stress and screaming at my 4 year old son doesn’t help either of us, I just don’t seem to be able to stop it. The volume is up and the words are out of my mouth before I realize this isn’t the mom I want to be. Will the Scream Free Parenting course be offered again? Maybe on another night of the week too?
I can relate – yes, the words are sometimes out of your mouth and the damage is done. I can remember being so mad at myself so many times, doesn’t make for productive use of my energy. I will be offering it again near the end of summer – it is so popular I hope to have it be a consistent series. Which night of the week works better for you? I will always try to keep that in mind!
We have a standing commitment on Monday nights, but most other nights are free. Wednesday might be best, but I could be there any night except Monday. I’m so glad you’ll be offering it again!
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