Being Realistic

31
Oct
2012


Welcome to Day 31 of 31 Days of Mom Mojo – Tackling Time Management. WOO-HOO – we made it!

When you aim for perfection, you discover it’s a moving target. ~George Fisher

As I wrap up this 31 Day series I thought it best to tackle the topic of perfectionism. It could be very easy for you to come away from this series thinking that it is all about doing everything perfect and 100% all the time.

That is NOT what I want you to leave with.

Perfectionism has been defined as when someone strives toward goals that are usually impossibly high but won’t settle for anything less. If it’s less than perfect they view it as unacceptable.

That is me – I struggle with perfectionism and will everyday of my life. But I have come to understand that I have the ability to recognize it and make choices that are better for me and my family.

You see, my perfectionism has led me into depression and often into extreme procrastination due to the fear of not doing a job or task “good enough”. For those who struggle with perfectionism, you may be able to understand. For those who do not, probably think I am a little whacko! {There are probably many who do think that anyhow! LOL}

I have had to work very hard at lower my self-imposed HIGH standards. They are unrealistic most of the time and end up harming my self-esteem and the joy of doing most tasks.

So here are a few things that I’ve had to take into consideration in order to live my life with joy, feel like I am accomplishing something for myself and my family and find satisfaction in the journey.

Finding Joy in Him

I have to often just STOP myself and remember who it is I am working for and what my role is. God knows my strengths and my weaknesses – He doesn’t give me something I cannot handle and He often wants to teach me something along the way.

When I can begin my day focusing on Him and what he has planned for me, then I can take my day in stride. It doesn’t make it all easy, but it does help for me to know that He is walking along side me.

Picking My Battles

Face it, our job is never ending! Once our tasks are done, we start again the next day. It can feel overwhelming, never-ending and unsatisfying if we allow it to. I have to catch myself and remember that it is not always about crossing off all the tasks on my Household Planner for that day – it could be about playing hide-n-seek with my toddler or snuggling on the sofa reading books. Dinner may end up being canned soup and grilled cheese because I forgot to grab the roast out of the freezer in the morning.

It is all a matter of attitude and outlook. I’ve had to be very intentional with my attitude and decide what is really important and what just doesn’t matter in the big picture.

The Art of Compromise

I admit, I am a neat freak! I am one of those people who loves to see the vacuum lines in the carpet – yep, crazy huh? With kids, a husband who travels and two big dogs, I’ve had to renegotiate what being ‘neat’ means. My husband would much prefer me to engage and interact with the family than scrub the kitchen floor or be anxious about the dust on the mantel.

I’ve had to learn to adjust my expectations and go with the flow. I’ve given up a little of my ‘extreme’ and he’s adjusted his expectations and come my way on some things. Compromise requires giving up a little of me and unconditionally accepting a little of someone else. Compromise communicates a message of love in spite of any perceived faults.

Allowing Help

I hate asking for help. Period. There is no way around it. This is probably my husbands biggest pet peeves about me. I have this often unrealistic expectation that I ‘should’ be able to do it all, even while sick. Crazy? Where does this come from?

One thing I’ve come to realize is that those around us truly do love to help. It makes people feel special to be asked to help. So, I’ve tried to be more intentional in asking for help from my dad, when I need a child picked up from school when I can’t get there, or if some errands need done and I know it will delay me too long. You see, things that I am not very fond of (running errands) is something that my husband truly loves to do. So when I allow him to do those things, it frees me to do something I am much better at or enjoy more. Making everyone happy.

Finding Good Enough

Finding a new reality in place of an unrealistic expectation of perfectionism is the new ‘good enough’. It is making a conscious choice to let some things go and be okay with the way things are. It is perfectly fine to love how things are instead of always trying to achieve what could have been. In fact, you will be healthier in the end for it.

Have you found your ‘good enough’?

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  • Shonda

    Susan, I’m so much like you…perfection, neat, check things off my list. I know I will never be there so I have to give myself grace everyday. I really enjoyed this series and I will be re-visiting it in the coming month as well. Thanks for being so faithful to post everyday and give us good things to think about and work on as moms. Blessings!!

  • http://www.theconfidentmom.com Susan

    You are welcome! I was quite a ride – I’ve never posted so much!!! It was a challenge, but I made it! I so appreciate everyone’s wonderful comments and encouragement – we are all in this together!