The Real Story

30
Aug
2013


I am pleased to share with you my daughter’s perspective on our family journey of fostering to adopt.  I did not edit anything she wrote and did not bribe her either.  This is from her heart and I hope it may help another mom who might be struggling with what direction to go.

I was 16 when I first heard that my mom and stepdad were considering being foster parents. It was the last thing that I expected to hear during a dinner conversation while we were on vacation in Hawaii. They asked all of our opinions about it and I was very up front about my opposition.

A Full House Already

I initially felt extremely unimportant. Already our family consisted of 3 kids including myself, why did we need to add another? At the time, this seemed like just an idea and not something that I honestly thought would actually happen since I was so against it. I thought that my mom and stepdad would value my opinion about adding another person to the family. I was incorrect. [Read more...]

Its a Family Affair

29
Aug
2013


This week I’ve been sharing information and my heart for serving children in foster care.  We’ve talked about the incredible need and also the options to be a part of the solution – for everyone.  Today I wanted to touch on what it may mean for your family, most specifically if you have other children already in the home.

After Monday’s post, I received a note from a mom who was concerned with making a choice to foster and what the impact would be on her other children.  I decided that if she had this concern, it was likely a concern for others as well and I wanted to share my thoughts on our journey as well as things to consider.

If you’ve read our story of fostering to adopt, you are already familiar with the struggles we had with our oldest and her willingness to share in the desire to foster or adopt.  I thought I would share a bit more, tackle some concerns other moms may be having and also let my daughter, now 20 and away at college give her perspective now that she is older and our family dynamic is different.  I will be honored to share her post tomorrow, so come back for a special Friday post! [Read more...]

Answer the Call to SERVE

27
Aug
2013


So, maybe you can’t take a child into your home for a number of reasons – I get that.  For many the logistics are not right and that is OKAY!  As I shared yesterday, there are ways to serve that include more than just having a child in your home and I will cover many today.  If I’ve left one off, please feel free to add it in the comments.

I’ve also already received some questions which has prompted me to write a third post in this series.  I will share about how to address the impact on your family, especially if you have other children in your home when you are considering adoption in general, but especially with fostering.  Look for that on Thursday.

Please remember, I am not an expert in this area – the foster care system, but having journeyed through it there are some things I’ve seen, discovered and want to pass along – so if what I share differs in your state, my apologies.  I am going from what I know from Washington State Foster Care.

Fostering

Within the term ‘fostering’ comes many different types.  This is where confusion may overwhelm and people get a bit confused.  Unless you know someone else or have done some research on the subject, it can shut you down because of not understanding the options.

Emergency Care

This type of fostering involves caring for children who need somewhere safe to stay immediately, usually for a few nights. This can often happen at very short notice.  Most often this is right when a child is removed from their home by CPS.

Respite Care

Respite involves children who already are placed with a foster family, but have  short stays with another foster family to give their current family/main caregivers a break. This usually involves looking after a child or young person for a weekend, one week or two weeks.  This is what we just did for the first time when we cared for a 9 month old so his foster placement could attend a family even tout of state.  Most states will not allow foster children to go out of state unless prior permission is obtained from the birth parent or court.

Short Term Care

Short term foster carers provide a temporary place to stay until the child can return home to their own family, move into a longer term fostering placement, or an adoptive family is found. This can last for a few weeks or months, sometimes longer.  This is a transitional time where the state is trying to come up with a plan and evaluate the situation with the allegations of neglect and the level of intervention that may need to be done with the birth parents.

Long Term Care

Sometimes a family decides to long-term foster a child instead of adopting because it may be anticipated that a high level of support for many years may be needed for the child and this is one way to guarantee access to it.  Also, some children may not be available for adoption, but unfortunately do not have family to return to, giving the only option to remain in permanent foster care until the age of 18.

Foster to Adopt

This is where you go into the foster care system specifically with the goal of coming out on the other side with an adoption.  This is where our heart was led when we first entered into the journey.  We were not interested in short care or long care, but rather only considered taking children into our home who had a high likelihood of NOT being returned to their birth parents.  Let me say, you can never guarantee anything and even with a foster to adopt placement, somewhere along the journey the child could be returned to the birth parents, or some other  bureaucratic procedure may removed the child from your home, this is what happened in our very first placement.

What about the person who desires to make a difference, but does not have a room in their home, or who’s heart is not meant to care for other children in this manner?  Don’t worry, there are other jobs that need filled too!

Other Needs for the willing

Transporters

In our state we have people who are licensed and trained to be transporters for children.  This means you pick up and drop off children for different type of appointments, visits with birth parents, etc.  Obviously you are required to have a car and insurance as well as some other training.  This could be the perfect type of fit for someone who enjoys interacting with children and has some hours during the week to use to pour into a child.  My personal experience with the transporters we encountered was beyond wonderful.  Caring and nurturing people who genuinely loved these kids – it was such a nice feeling.

When you are fostering and your placement has scheduled visits with the birth parents, generally your child is picked up from your home and then dropped back off by a transporter.  You are not obligated to add this task into your schedule, which is nice.

Visit Supervisors

During a child’s visit with their birth parent there has to be a visit supervisor, someone who is present the entire time with the parent and child, observing and taking notes to compile a report of that visit for the courts and social worker.  Most times, this was the same person who did the transportation, but it does not have to be.

Other ideas

Most of what I shared previously are positions that are paid by the state at some level.  These other areas where you could offer support would be volunteering on your own, but still so valuable and ones that I found helpful when I was offered help.

Babysit – offer to get certified to be a babysitter for a foster family you know.  In our state certain background checks must be met in order to leave a child in someone’s care for any length of time.  It was such a nice break to go out for dinner or a walk ALONE and not have to drag a baby along – this little bit of service is really needed and so appreciated by foster parents.

Meal - make a double portion of a casserole and offer to bring one over for a foster family that you know.  As busy moms we know how much of a treat this is, well – a mom who has one or more mouths to feed will really appreciate it!  This is simple and yet so meaningful.

Tutoring - offer to tutor kids who need extra support.  As children are moved from home to home, it is extremely difficult for them to stay caught up in their school work.  If you have the heart to offer support in this way, I know you would find extreme joy in seeing children eat up the attention you could give them!

Prayer -This one everyone can do!  Even if you do not personally know of a family who is fostering, pray in general for children who are in the foster care system and those families who are caring for them.  I would be lying if I said the journey is easy – it is not.  It is hard, it plain really stinks at times. I get exhausted, crabby and have to apologize and ask forgiveness all the time.

As I shared with the mom who came to pick up the little bundle of sweetness yesterday, {we were both older moms, 46 who had grown kids, but yet here we are starting over in this parenting journey……what were we thinking???} even though I may not be the youngest most energetic mom, or the funnest and I will look pretty darn grey on top when my 3 year old graduates from high school, I know God is working in me each day, molding me to who he desires me to become.  It wouldn’t be happening any other way.  This may not have been my plan, but it is HIS plan and being obedient feels so great and much better than struggling with feelings on not being in HIS will.

I am not the best mom and I know it, but to my kids they think I am – and that’s all that matters!

I can tell you, if you choose to serve children, they will think you are pretty darn great too!

If you happen to live in Washington State, here is the link for more information on licensing.  In Washington State, we had to option to get licensed through a private agency, which helped us navigate through the process and helps with our placements.  This is not required and others just get licensed directly through the state.

What resonated in your heart today?

A Home for Every Child

26
Aug
2013


After sharing last week that our family was doing respite care for a 9 month old for another foster family, I was led to share more on Fostering – so today and tomorrow I will give you some information, some food for thought and also prompt you – are you ready?

Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked. - Psalm 82:3-4

I’ve shared about our journey with foster care before, but our story gets lost in all the posts.  For those new or unfamiliar, you may want to read these posts:

The Beginning of Trusting God

Opening Our Heart Again

Adoption Success

This will give you some background on how we entered into this God ordained journey and how we also fought it along the way.   [Read more...]

Hidden Blessings

17
Nov
2012


We left off yesterday with the arrival of Jacob coming into our home just shortly before Christmas.  What a Christmas gift he was!

We finished construction in the nick of time to add a fifth bedroom in order to accommodate one more to our family.  In the storyline of this entire journey, everything has just been in the nick of time – funny how that works!

I was thrown back into parenting like I had not been in years!  Having a little one around is a big change and a lot of things had to change for me.

I had to learn to slow down and take the time needed to be more than just the laundry person, house keeper and short order cook.  My role as a mother is so much more in the eyes of this little guy.  It brought me back to understanding my role and what even my older kids need from me.  You see I had gotten caught up in the routine, the busy day-to-day life that keeps everyone going in different directions and I missed some of the good stuff.  That was a big eye-opener for me – yes, even though I coach other moms and have been through different seasons of parenting, you forget sometimes!  God has a great way of reminding us what is truly important. [Read more...]