10 Secrets Every Mom Should Know

29
Jan
2015

10-secrets-for-moms

Trust Your Intuition

My biggest secret tops the list!  So many moms are overwhelmed with trying to fit in everyone else’s advice and afraid of doing the wrong thing.  I get it – it is a constant struggle.  We feel we are under a microscope all the time.  You were given unique gifts as a mother and the intuitive wisdom of moms is not an accident.  I cover this more in my book, “Becoming the Confident Mom You’ve Always Wanted to Be.”

Counting to TEN is okay

Face it – we lose our tempers, unless you have exceptional control and temperament.  I struggle with maintaining my calm when things get a little dicey.  Over time I have learned to ‘stop the train‘, count to ten and then respond to the situation at hand, unless its truly an emergency.  This has been so helpful for me and made for much happier days.

Do-Over’s are Encouraged 

Okay, so I am not the perfect mom so I often will take a “do-over”.  I believe they are totally fine for me as well as my children.  We all mess up and when you have the chance to try again, it helps the learning process and gives opportunity for forgiveness too.

Be Flexible

I love me some routine, but I have also learned that as a mom you are FAR better off to go with the flow at times.  Being in a place where you can allow the schedule to change and you can adapt is truly important to helping your kids develop those skills.  If they see you freak out over and over with small changes, then they will learn to do the same.

Playing Matters More than Work

I admit, I still struggle with this area, especially as the work at home mom of two businesses. Whether you work from home or managing your home is your full time job, we all can relate.  My word this year is MARGIN, which means I need to carve out that time I need to enjoy all the other things that make life enjoyable.  Not just work.  I want to enjoy getting down on the floor with the Lego’s – even when it would not be my first choice. :-)

Be a Yes Mom

This is a Jill Savage saying and I love it.  Instead of always being the fuddy-duddy mom saying no to those messy projects or tasks that require just a bit more, why not say YES?  It will make your day a bit more interesting I am sure and give your kids a surprise!

Delegation is Good

In other words, it is okay to ask for help, not only ASK for help but be specific with what you need and who can do it.  This can entail your children helping around house to asking a friend to stop by the store for you.  When you reach out to ask for help it does not mean you are weak, it means you just could use some help right then.  Be willing to not only ask for help but offer it when you can as well.

Intentional Joy

There are days which are harder than others, but when I stop myself and decide to seek out the joyful parts and focus on those, my demeanor changes as well as everyone around me.  The mom is the thermostat of the home…. so be careful to choose Joy – seek out those things that lift your spirit and be intentional.  I have my secret weapon of JOY – and when I diffuse it in my family room it is amazing how everyone else’s attitude changes too!

Be Selfish

In other words, take care of yourself.  You need time to re-charge your mom battery for everyone’s sake.  You cannot take care of others when you are feeling exhausted,  worn out and completely drained.  I know this is a tough subject, but you are your best advocate, this sacred space you need will not just fall in your lap.  Be creative in ways you can nurture yourself.

Receive Grace

Out of all the secrets here, this is the biggest and hardest for a lot of us to receive is grace.  We are the hardest on ourselves…..never giving ourselves a break when we mess up.  I expect a lot of myself and I am my worst critic.  But I am learning, the the wonderful reminders of my husband to give myself grace.  Tomorrow is a new day and it sure is a glorious thing! 

Together in Hard Places

25
Nov
2014

Making the Best Yes Decisions 

I am in love with Chapter Seventeen, “The Very Best Yes,” in The Best Yes.

There have been so many great pieces to this book, really – so many, but as we close out the book study this week I am almost in dumbfounded awe of how this chapter is speaking to my worn out heart.

I am in a season where I am having to make some big decisions, decisions that may really make me sad, make others disappointed and honestly be life changing, but not necessarily positive.  It is a hard place to be in.

But as I read about Lysa and her sharing the experience with her daughter and the big heartbreak, it really brought me back to those times when I could barely function because of so much angst. I haven’t been in that place for a long time, but there are many times I get close to that place.  Do you know what I mean?

I shared a while back about a period of time when I struggled with hopelessness to a big degree and it was debilitating.  Those are hard times.  I’ve struggled with losing a parent, an in-law, putting one through alcohol rehabilitation treatment and a few other big events that can knock you down.  Life is hard, but I have to remember this, and I shared it yesterday:

“Together is a really good word.  Together is what we need when we hit tough patches in life.  Making decisions when life is making you cry shouldn’t be done alone.”

I am the first to admit, I am a loner and I like to do this myself.  I hate to ask for help.  This really struck me as well the other day on the Facebook page as one of the other moderators shared this definition of herself:

“As someone who can be a reclusive, overwhelmed introvert.”

I almost spit out my coffee – that is me!!!  Seriously!

And it’s not really all that great of a thing.  I try to do this thing called life on my own, even to the point of not letting my husband know a lot of those things that are bothering me.  It’s easier to just take care of it myself.  Wrong, I know.

So if there is one thing, ONE BIG THING I have learned in this book, it is this:

“In those moments when we feel swept away in a current of fast-moving feelings, we need to pause.  Wait.  Let someone else be there as a voice of clarity.”

And then this:

“Smart enough to know to pause and take extra time when life takes on extenuating circumstances that are hard.”

I want to tattoo that on my palms.

“When we can rise up on the wisdom of others and get a new view of our situations, our next steps seem a little clearer.”

I need relationships that are deeper, more frequent and more meaningful.  Period.  I honestly feel having those will help me with my Best Yes decisions.  Does that resonate with you too?

So as I wrap up this study and our time together, I want you to know how much I value you – those of you I may meet in person and many of you who I never will.  You make my life sweet and rich in ways that no one else can understand who does not have an online community.

I feel your presence as I write on the page of my blog and even when I am admitting things I would rather tuck away deep in my heart…. I do it anyhow, because I know you won’t make assumptions or accusations.  You are sweet and appreciative of me bearing myself with you and hoping that it may help another mom, somewhere out there who feels alone and hurt.

Please join us tonight for the LIVE Facebook chat at 6:15 PM Pacific time/ 9:15 PM Eastern time.  We will share, have some worship music and celebrate this journey together.  Thank you so much for coming along!

Week Six – The Best Yes

24
Nov
2014

 weeksix

We are on the final home stretch.   I know many have struggled to keep up with the reading, I so encourage you to at least read the chapters for the end to finish strong with us.  I will not lie…. I will be pushing myself to read the end of the book to get ready for my final blog post tomorrow as well as prepare for the Facebook Chat at 6:15 PM Pacific.

Get prepared for talk of insecurities, growth, togetherness and more.

This week we are reading Chapters 16-19 of The Best Yes.  

This quote touched my heart and almost made me cry (okay, I was having an extremely emotional day and it did make me cry!)

“Together is a really good word.  Together is what we need when we hit tough patches in life.  Making decisions when life is making you cry shouldn’t be done alone.”

Doesn’t that just nearly melt your heart?

I want to learn to be wise, seek wisdom from those who are further in the journey than myself and then share my experiences with those coming up behind me.

Join us tomorrow evening on the Facebook page for a fun time of sharing, refreshment and celebrating our last week of The Best Yes!  I’ll remind you one more time tomorrow during my blog post – but you can mark it on your calendar now.  :-)

FB chat-1

Are You Choosing to See?

18
Nov
2014

Week-Five-Best-Yes

I think I often miss my Best Yes because I am too busy; not open to His whisper and do not allow Him to open my mind to new experiences or to stretch myself.  It is a shame now that I can evaluate it and see.

There is a term I wish I knew more about in my life called “white space” or “margin“.  I am sure you know exactly what I am talking about, that time that is unscheduled.

I think I have some of it but often time my ‘time’ is structured to the point that I cannot allow anything to go outside the schedule.  I wonder how many chances I end up wasting that I may have been able to say YES to?

I loved this line:

“Don’t waste it.  Let it make you aware.  Be an extension of God’s love right now.”

To be honest, as I write here, I am almost tearing up because I feel there are many opportunities I have missed.  So many times I have been too busy to see.

I am thankful I am being made aware now – some areas of my life need to change and what does that look like?

It may mean saying no to more things so I can have time to hear from Him.

It may mean saying Yes to some things that really matter or that I know are my Best Yes.

I am not entirely sure yet, but I am open to change, even though it can be one of the hardest things to do.  Change…. we all say we want it but when it comes down to it, we fight against it.  This line really resonated with me:

“Saying no isn’t an unnecessary rejection.  It’s actually a necessary protection of our Best Yes answers.  We will have a very hard time paying attention to those Best Yes answers if we live lives that are completely spent.”

Oh, how I feel this line was written just for me!  I am in a season where I am feeling spent…. and I know God has me right here to get my attention so that I may be FORCED to make some changes.  He does that sometimes, do you know what I mean?

Being Present

I am often not very present with my family, my friends or even myself.  I am task orientated and can get so focused on completing things that I miss the community and relationship.  I have made improvements, but still have a long way to go.

I think a Best Yes for me might be to read Bob Goff’s  Love Does – I am putting it on my list!  There were many tid-bits that Lysa shared from that book that really resonated with my soul…..I love how God uses people to help us grow!

Do you find yourself looking for big directional signs?

Week Five – The Best Yes

17
Nov
2014

weekfive

This week we are talking about avoiding the traps of people pleasing.  I honestly never really thought of myself as a people pleaser, but now that I am examining different areas of my life and why I feel led to say YES to so many, I can see that I fit in as a people pleaser too.

If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.  Galatians 1:10 NLT

This week we are reading Chapters 13-15 of The Best Yes.  

I loved listening to these chapters while I drove back ALONE in my car from doing an essential oils class last week.  It’s not very often, as I know you all can relate, that I am in the car alone with silence enough to do such a marvelous thing!

I went back and re-read the chapters briefly, underlining and highlighting so I can share some key points from my perspective with you all tomorrow.  I love how our discussions on the Facebook page bring in so many different viewpoints and really open up the discussion.  I think about things that were not even on my radar when someone else shares from their heart.  Community is key in getting even more out of a study.  :-)

I was especially touched with this line of the book this week, “Don’t waste it.  Let it make you aware.  be an extension of God’s love right now.”   I want to keep this close to my heart and be used – open to His whispers.

Did you see where our blog, this space is opening up to care for another Compassion child??!!!!  I am thrilled.  Everyone is making a difference, every little bit and I am so thankful I was aware and open to hear His whisper to use this place for that calling.

“We want big directional signs from God.  God just wants us to pay attention.”  pg 170

If you are participating in the extra reading of Proverbs, you’ll want to be sure to read Proverbs 26 – 31.

I will see you back here tomorrow with my thoughts on this weeks reading.  Be sure to hop over to the Facebook page and share in the community!