This week has been a little foggy for me. As some know, we had some bad news over the weekend and found out our dear little kitty, Ebby had kidney failure. It was terrible; I had seen changed behavior in her, a little lost weight and symptoms that reminded me of when she had a “kitty cold”. But at the vet office we found out she was in very bad shape and there was really nothing the vet or we could do. She had lost half of her body weight since she had last been to the vet and was terribly dehydrated. They gave her some fluids injected under her skin and we took her back home. It was a very sad day.
You see, this kitty had been with us for 10 years……the kitty that my two children and I had when I was a single mom. This was more than just a kitty – but a memory of that time – something that my two children really connected with our time as just the “three of us”. Not only had this kitty won over the heart of my new husband (who hates cats!) and step-son; she was a symbol for us as a “pre-blended” family.
I brought our kitty home Saturday afternoon and shared the news with everyone. I had made the decision to have her put down on Monday; the vet wasn’t sure if she would even make it through the weekend, but I was determined to take her home and SPOIL her for as long as I could. We bought extravagant cat food at the specialty pet store (yep $3.00 a can) which she managed to eat, we cuddled her, sat with her and talked “kitty” talk to her for 2 days…..and cried. Yes, our entire family cried and navigated this hard decision of having to put her down and how we would choose to carry out this task. At my first thought I didn’t want anything to do with her last few minutes of life, it was too much to bare, but as our family discussed this inevitable act, it was unanimous that we would all go to the vet and be there when she was put down. As a mom and a parent coach, I wondered if this was the right decision, to allow my children, ages 8-16 be a participant in this decision and to be there to view our little kitty dying. As I look back, I know I made the right decision to allow them to actively participate. The experience we all went through as a family could not have happened by me sharing how it was to be there, or them imagining what it was like.
We lovingly surrounded our little black kitty, all 5 of us….stroking her as she lay fairly content, not scared as I feared she would be during her last few minutes with us – but she was peaceful, and I was so grateful. I could not imagine allowing her to be scared and frightened, surrounded by people she didn’t know as she breathed her last breathe. We were all sobbing and sharing this experience together, as a family – that is when I know for sure I had made the right decision.
We brought her home and my husband had already spent the afternoon preparing a spot in our backyard for our Ebby to be put to rest. It was a rainy, dark and icky evening – all of us standing around under umbrellas as we shared the finality together. What our family gained from this experience will live on just like our memories of Ebby.
I have had such nice responses to our family’s loss on my facebook fan page and I cannot thank you all enough. You have offered suggestions to how our family can remember our kitty and also work through the process of grief, which so often just gets pushed back into the depths of our guts and never really worked through. I can say that this experience has given my children a completely different view of life and death, how to share tears together, express feelings and lean on each other. I know for sure my kids would never have learned that from a book or from me explaining it to them. There are just some situations you have to experience in order to understand and grow from. This was certainly one of them.
Now, I will grab my box of tissue and cry my heart out once again, as I have sat here typing with tears dripping on my keyboard. This was something I wanted to share; something I had to write down in order to step through one more phase of grief. Isn’t it amazing how these little furry creatures we let come into our lives truly grab our hearts and run? I couldn’t imagine it any other way and am so thankful to have had Ebby as part of our family.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m so sorry, I know how it feels and got tears reading your words. I lost my black cat of 17 years in april, to kidney failure also, and he was the last vestige of my single life. My younger son (3) came with my husband and I to the vet, but we handed him over in the lobby (utterly horrible) as they wanted an extra $60 for us to be in the room when it happened, and we honestly couldn’t pay another dime beyond the basic fee. so very glad you were with him and he was comfortable! hugs to you, and may the phantom-cat sightings not last too long, they do fade eventually. thanks for sharing your story.
Bethany,
Thank you for your comment – it touched me so much. I completely understand about choosing what you felt you had to do, we were fortunate, the vet did not charge anything more, so that was not a consideration. I cannot even imagine the pain involved with just handing him over, I am so sorry. I have never heard of the phantom cat sightings, but NOW know exactly what you mean. I think I see her every time I turn around out of the corner of my eye, that truly makes me smile and hits my gut at the same time. Appreciate you taking the time to give me a virtual hug! Back at ya!
Susan, I wanted to offer up my condolences on the loss of your kitty. I am so sorry. In June I put my dog down after 16 1/2 years of devoted friendship. I still cry for him every now and then. He used to sleep under the Christmas tree on the tree skirt and I had forgotten that until we put up the tree. The little things stick with you. Animals are a gift and loving them is a gift as well. I love how you and your family pulled together to walk through the process as one. I hope your hearts heal soon and your memories of your sweet kitty stay fresh and comforting!
Blessings
Jenny V
Thank you, Jenny, very kind of you to drop a comment. I am sorry about your dog…..especially that this time of year brings a reminder, but hopefully it will also bring up all those wonderful memories. Animals are a gift, you said it!! And speaking of which, we ended up getting our family a new puppy last week (we have one dog already, she is two) so keep posted on my blog, I will be sharing how this experience of puppyhood is so much like raising children! You will want to see pictures too, check out my twitter profile, I just posted a photo there on a link. Thanks Jenny!
Susan, Reading these thoughts about our furry loved ones reminds me of the tenderness people share. Our kitty Kelly became seriously ill in the fall, but the vet couldn’t determine what was the cause. She wasn’t eating, or drinking and when I looked in her eyes there was nothing behind them – it was a scary moment for me. I never realized how much soul there was in her eyes until then. She was a gift to my 4-year old son (now 15) when I was a single mom. Every member of our household was truly a member of our family. Her vet bills were high, but we had to do what we could to determine the seriousness and also make her comfortable in the meantime. After two rounds of antibiotics, blood work, chest x-ray, iv fluids, there were no significant changes. The vet suggested a cortisone shot. Within 4 hours she was back to her lovable self, she was our Christmas miracle! They determined her thyroid level is high, so she goes back on medication in a few weeks, but we hope she’s with us for quite a bit longer. She’s only 11 and has so much love left to receive and give, we need at least another decade. Ten years ago, I had to have my other cat put down and was to scared to be with her. I have always regretted that decision. If I’m ever faced with the decision again, I will definitely be there. Your story drives the point home. Tears and togetherness bond us forever.
Your story is so similar to mine – wow. I am so glad you were able to figure out what your little kitty needed and she is still with you! Pets touch are hearts in such an amazing way……wouldn’t have it any other!