Replacing My Frustration with God’s Patience

1
Jul
2014

Replacing-Frustration-God's-Patience Um, I really feel like I have no business even discussing this topic.  I am truly the most impatient person – EVER!  I do know that God is trying to build me in areas that I am not already proficient at though, by allowing me to stay in this role of motherhood a little longer, by the adoption of our youngest almost two years ago. I guess he felt I really needed more time to have the fruit of the spirit developed in me and allowing a beautiful little child who needed a home to help me work through it all.

“Being a mom can vacillate between the sweetness of hugs and kisses to feeling like you are in jail.” 

Do you feel like that sometime?  It is true, we can often feel trapped and helpless…..overcome by what our to-do list has on it and the lack of un-interrupted time we have to do it in.  We are exhausted and putting severe pressure on ourselves to be perfect.  UGH!  That perfection can drive us really crazy.  If we just gave ourselves some grace….some much needed grace. I related to Sue’s discovery that she was choosing to be frustrated.  I can let myself easily fall into the same pattern.  I can control my thoughts and when I allow frustration to seep in, it will quickly destroy the environment.  My day can go down the drain and my attitude goes to the gutter.  I am ashamed to admit that I can easily get really frustrated, impatient and sour. I have to learn the true meaning of sacrifice.  I am serving this beautiful family of mine and when I can remind myself of this and have THAT be the expectation I can keep my attitude in check, along with my patience.  But when I allow the daily grind to overcome the feelings of a servants heart, that is when things fall apart. Spending time with the Lord daily is KEY!  The days that doesn’t happen are days that begin to fall apart for me early on.  Also, Sue reminds us that building strategies and routines into our day can help us have a buffer zone that will hopefully prevent melt-downs – yes, those melt-downs of our own!   When we lose our patience and yell or scream, it is us who have the melt-down, no our kids.  As adults, we are called to be adults and learn to manage our emotions – truly something I am still learning to do.

“Sometimes it is the simplest of things that restore peace and order to a mom’s perspective.”

I need to make to sure build into my day little bits of time where I can find restoration in the midst of busyness and stress.  I like to make time to workout – that is a big stress reliever for me, so making this a priority is a must.  I especially love my routine right now with my Focus T25 – doing it first thing in the morning has it crossed off my list and feeling very accomplished!!   I also like to play soothing music at home and it can make a huge difference in my state of mind.  Having Pandora has been a life saver for me, I can pick from so many types of music easily and without a lot of trouble.  Making time for myself to eat is another one I have to be intentional about.  I know for us moms, we take time to feed our kiddos the best stuff, and often we skip meals or just eat the left overs.  Your body need nourishment and you need to make it a priority.  Being hungry is a trigger for me to become cranky and irritated very fast! What are your tips and tricks to having more patience in your day?

The Four “F’s” of Summer Parenting

26
Jun
2014

Summer-Parenting-Strategies

I brought back a popular post from a few years ago to share with you.  I am away at the International Young Living Convention in Salt Lake City and honestly, I had all good intentions about writing a blog post for you all – but it didn’t happen.  I am sorry.

There is so much learning going on for me, about new oil blends released and amazing new products that I am trying soak in every single minute of learning so I can share more ‘oily news‘ that I know will bless your family.  So I pray for grace and for the new readers you will see this as new information and for my lovely treasured blog followers, let this be a gentle reminder for you.  :-)

Here are my four F’s of parenting for a  summer full of fun and less frustration, and yes, they are good all during the year too!

Be Firm

Clearly state expectations and consequences and adhere to them when your child acts inappropriately.  It can be easy to allow behavior to escalate or get out of control in the summer when you do not clearly state expectations and also remain consistent.  We tend to slack off a bit when things are more relaxed, but we all know the end result – not necessarily good.  Make sure you keep consistent and your kids will have a much better idea of how much they can trust what you say and if you mean it.

Fair

Consequences should fit the crime.  Have a few consequences that are in your back pocket so that you can easily respond to situations rather than allowing things to slide by.  In the case of recurring behavior, consequences should be stated in advance so the child knows what to expect and your consistent follow through is key to your child making better choices.

Fun

Even though summer can often lead to more work for us moms, find your own groove to create a routine that will allow you to be the “fun mom” and enjoy making those great memories instead of always being stressed over wet kids running through the house or eating s’mores for dinner!

Flexible

Learn to go with the flow – you will provide a great example to your children when they see things not going as planned and you are willing to quickly change gears.  If you have an outside activity planned and you wake up to rain, make sure you  have a back up plan you can quickly engage without a lot of drama!

Summer is a time to enjoy a change of pace from the school year. It’s an opportunity to focus on different interests or activities that you don’t have as much time for during the rest of the year.  

New Online Book & Bible Study Announcement

22
May
2014

Main-border-study

I am thrilled to share our new book study, just in time for summer!

9 Traits of a Life-Giving Mom: Replacing My Worst With God’s Best by Sue Detweiler

This is our 3rd online book study and honestly – even though it is quite a bit of work, I love the community that is brought together online here as well as the Private Facebook page that is always offered.   {If you missed the last two, they are HERE and HERE – you can go back at anytime and read the book and follow along with my thoughts and discussion}

I began reading this book last week and was immediately drawn in….. I feel it is exactly what I need right now and I knew others would feel the same.

The book discusses the challenges of being a mother, and really draws into the Word of God to bring about healing in many areas that we mom’s just plain try to ignore and brush over.  The Nine Traits talked about in the book all correspond to the Fruits of the Spirit and I know I surely need more of that in my life. 

This book is for every mom – it doesn’t matter the age of your children or the stage of your parenting – we all want to be the best mom for our child but so often we can feel like the worst. Is it Really Possible to heal the hidden places of our own hearts?  Yes, with God’s help!  9 Traits of a Life-Giving Mom will help you find peace with your imperfections, learn from your mistakes, overcome negative and enjoy your journey as a mom.

For those who’ve participated in my other online book studies, you understand what an online study entails which is run on a blog.  For those who are new and have never done an online book study, here are the details:

  • The online study is run on the blog here at The Confident Mom – there is nothing you need to do to sign up, but to make it easier, you may want to sign up for the blog posts to be delivered right to your inbox, but you do not have to do that.
  • It will begin on Monday, June 2nd and continue until Monday, August 11, 2014.
  • Each Monday I will post the chapter of reading for the week and my thoughts.   Throughout the week I will be on the Private Facebook page sharing thoughts, offering up questions for you to answer and just share community.  There is also a study guide included in the copy of the book, which has some questions for you to consider and journal about.  I will post more details on what to expect during the week’s posts, but I plan to post two times.
  • There is no cost to participate, but you will really only be able to participate if you purchase your own copy of the book, “9 Traits of a Life-Giving Mom” by Sue Detweiler
  • Once again for this study, we will have a Private Facebook Page where you will be able to share with others who are going through the study, get encouragement as well as interact with other moms who are joining on this journey too.  This is not mandatory, just an option for those who are interested.  You can click here to ask to join.

Reading Schedule

Week One:  June 2  – Chapter 1:   Becoming a Life-Giving Mom, Study Guide Lesson 1

Week Two:  June 9 – Chapter 2:   Replacing My Anger with God’s Love, Study Guide Lesson 2

Week Three:  June 16 –  Chapter 3:   Replacing My Sadness with God’s Joy,  Study Guide Lesson 3

Week Four:  June 23  –  Chapter 4:  Replacing my Anxiety with God’s Peace, Study Guide Lesson 4

Week Five:  June 30  –  Chapter 5:  Replacing My Frustration with God’s Patience, Study Guide Lesson 5

Week Six:  July 7  –   Chapter 6:  Replacing My Negativity with God’s Kindness, Study Guide Lesson 6

Week Seven:  July 14  –  Chapter 7:  Replacing My Manipulation with God’s Goodness,  Study Guide Lesson 7

Week Eight:  July 21  –  Chapter 8:  Replacing My Fear with God’s Faithfulness,  Study Guide Lesson 8

Week Nine:  July 28  – Chapter 9:  Replacing My Pride with God’s Gentleness,  Study Guide Lesson 9

Week Ten:  August 4  –   Chapter 10:  Replacing My Self-Indulgence with God’s Self-Control,  Study Guide Lesson 10

Week Eleven:  August 11  –  Chapter 11:  Life-Giving Moms Give Life,  Study Guide Lesson 11

I am so excited to see what God will do in your life and mine during the 11 weeks that we are together!  I know this book will bring revelation  :-)

5 Strategies for the Introverted Mom

7
Apr
2014

Introvert-Mom-Strategies

Okay, I am going to come clean right at the beginning of this post, I am mainly writing this post to fulfill a need and reminder for myself.  I am tired and exhausted from working a bit too much and not allowing enough time for my body to rejuvenate.

I know there are many moms who can relate and probably need the reminder and permission to give their body the space it needs to thrive.  Self-care often gets put at the bottom of the list, which is a big problem.

I’ve just returned from a marriage conference, which I will share about on Thursday – and I am tried.  Don’t get me wrong, the conference was great, I connected and spent intentional time with my husband, but I also entertained people, gathered in large crowds and was on the go since the time we left home.  These kinds of activities are exhausting for me as an introvert.  If I am not careful I can easily become overwhelmed, exhausted and depleted and depression can sneak it’s way in.

Before that I was working 8-10 hours a day on my business and picking up the extra pieces that I could.  Thank goodness my husband is home on vacation to provide back up support for me and our family.

But it reminded me and got me thinking that there are things I need to do for myself so that I can be the best mom for my family and also, the best wife too – and one of those things is to find time to be alone!

How can you do that in a house full of kids?  Let’s look at the ways and hopefully one of my suggestions will peek your interest and you can put a plan into action to achieve that needed break.

Evening Bath

This is something that I had put into religious practice for months, but in the past month, I have not given my body the gift of a nice bath.  To be honest, by the time things get settled down in the evening I am too tired to go through the hassle, but I know my body craves the comfort of the quiet, the benefits of the essential oils I use to revive my cells and also the refreshment it provides.

I’ve made excuse after excuse, as we all do.  Well, tonight, I am not making an excuse and will get the job done.

Morning Quiet Time

This one is like a broken record from me – but yes, even I get caught up in the everyday and want to sleep in past my alarm!  With the travel schedule I’ve had in the past several weeks, my body is not back to it’s regular rhythm and I just need my sleep.  I feel it is important to recognize that need your body is craving, but also to realize when it is just a “lazy” excuse to lay in bed.

I’ve been bouncing back and forth with my ‘get-up’ time in the morning and will be catching only a few minutes of quiet time….and my day is reflective of what that quiet time quantity is.  So starting Monday (the morning you are reading this) I am back to my usually 5:30 AM get up – reading God’s word, sipping my coffee with delight and enjoy the peaceful morning before the house begins to bustle.  It is critical for my attitude and my success during the day.

Music

I love music and it is like ‘oil to my soul‘.  Pandora is my favorite place to peruse and be inspired.  To gather courage and energy for my day.  If I had to choose between having a TV or a good stereo in my main living area – it would be a stereo for sure.  Some of my favorite stations to tune in are:  Keola Beamer, JJ Weeks Band, Hillsong United,  or Spa Suite Studio.  It is amazing how my attitude changes and my energy goes up when I turn on my music.  Even for my 4 year old, it sets a tone for the time we are together.

Afternoon Quiet Play

For days when there is  no school, it can seem for me, that the day goes on forever and ever.  I have to give myself some quiet rest from talking, noise and activity.  So it can mean several different things – either my little one plays in his room, looks at books or takes a break with my iPad while I refresh myself with some time being on my own.  {Yes, I use an iPad  – but it is limited}.

Allowing my little guy to run around the backyard too is now another option since the weather is nice again.  I can easily watch him while he hits a baseball or plays golf for 30 minutes, while I make a cup of tea and sip it in peace.

Exercise

Getting physical is a must for me – not only to refill my introverted self, but as a stress reliever.  I am much better at handling noise, little people and the extra stuff that comes from having a house full of people.  This takes planning and intention on my part.  When I do not make it a priority I cannot blame someone else, it is my fault. 

The other day I was feeling a bit irritated that I wasn’t going to get my workout in and then I decided to try something new.  I told my little guy that we were doing a work out together and so we did.  I started my Jillian Michaels’ workout, {love that I can watch it for free with Amazon Prime!} he got to play on my pilates mat that I have to do the floor portion of the work out with.  I told him he could work out on the mat until I needed it, then he would have to move aside while I did that part, but then he could go back.  All was good and we had a great time!

Are you an introverted mom?  

What strategies help you fill your soul and energize you?  

As a last resort, I also love getting away for a weekend, this is the ultimate pleasure!  I am fortunate as I can make this happen a couple times a year, especially when I am working on a project for the blog or writing a new book – it is very good use of my time and allows me to be more creative when I only have to worry about myself.   {I think I may be overdue for a weekend away!}

If you are considering getting rid of the toxins in your home, today is the last day to grab yourself a Premium Starter kit with Young Living and grab two free bonuses from me, A Pocket Reference Guide and The Chemical Free Home.  I shared last week my DIY body wash recipe and there were 29 other great recipes shared too!

Detox-Your-home

A Happy Birthday Post from My Husband

31
Mar
2014

Happy-Birthday-Susan

This post is coming a bit early – my birthday is really not until Wednesday, April 2nd – but I have a special post for tomorrow, a DIY Morning Citrus BLAST Body Wash – as I am part of the DeTox Your Home Blog Series that started today and I do not post on Wednesday – so a little birthday fun to start the week!!  

Ahem….I will be 47….yep, that is right…..47.……I can’t believe I am saying that number!

Happy Birthday to Susan, “The Confident Mom”

My name is Don and I am blessed to be Susan’s other-half.  I asked Susan if I could write a blog post for her birthday as a gift to her.  This might seem “sweet”, but the real reason behind this little plan of mine is that I couldn’t stand getting my wife another household appliance for her birthday. 

Seriously, I’m not some inconsiderate jerk of a husband!  It’s just that Susan is so practical and loves things that make her life easier around the home, like Vacuum Cleaners and Carpet Shampooers, past birthday gifts.  And yes….she really did want a pedestal for her front loader washing machine for our anniversary one year!  

Really ladies, she insisted and I made her put it in writing.  {Pst….Susan here, he did take me to a great concert on Saturday night and I consider that my gift  – one of my favorite new listens on Pandora, Keola Beamer.}

For this post, I thought I’d write something about the Confident Mom that you might not have known.  You see, Susan really is as genuine and transparent in real life as she is in her blogs and on social media.  So 6 years ago when Susan decided to start this ministry to support and coach moms, the name “The Confident Mom” seemed perfect as that was a great goal for all in her community to work toward.

What you may not have known though, is that Susan actually went through quite a few different business names and that is what I’d like to share.  During the process of coming up with a business name, Susan considered (drum roll and tongue-in-cheek):

  1. “The Crunchy Mom” – You may know that Susan is Gluten Free and she leans heavily toward a Paleo lifestyle, but I’ve never seen someone enjoy crunchy, salty snacks (e.g. Chips, Cheetos, Doritos) as much as she does.  No kidding, we order Potato Chips by the case from Amazon and I have no idea how she stays in such good shape.  I guess the lesson here is that diets and nutritional lifestyle changes are great, but give yourself a little Grace sometimes to enjoy some fun things as well.
  2. “The Soulful Mom” – Susan feels things incredibly deep in her soul and is very in touch with her feelings, as well as those around her.  We recently had one of our dogs leave us, and the depth of emotional grief that she has been feeling is intense.  Unfortunately, it was also hard for her to give herself permission to grieve that kind of loss.  With 4 kids, a traveling husband, and a successful business to run, it was hard for her to just hurt and grieve that loss.  Sometimes, you need to put the everyday hustle and bustle aside, give yourself some Grace, and allow yourself to hurt and heal.
  3. “The Tenacious Mom” – Sometimes I think of my wife as a beautiful, redheaded bulldog.  Once she sinks her teeth into something, it’s kind of hard to shake her loose until the situation is resolved.  A great trait, but sometimes you just can’t fix something.  Like….. a teenager coming home with a broken heart and Susan wants to call the other parents and give them a piece of her mind.  Tenacity is great, but sometimes you need to give a situation some time, and yourself some Grace, to see what God will have us do.

On New Year’s Eve, both Susan and I picked a “word for the year” to represent where we’d like to go.  Obviously from above, my word for 2014 was “GRACE”.  As you go about being parents, spouses and possibly a job outside the home, don’t forget to give yourself some Grace on a daily basis, because I am certain that our Lord and Savior has done the same for us.

Happy Birthday to my wonderfully complex, Psalm 139:14 bride and enjoy your day off with no blogging to do.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.  Psalm 139:14 NLT