Replacing My Frustration with God’s Patience

1
Jul
2014

Replacing-Frustration-God's-Patience Um, I really feel like I have no business even discussing this topic.  I am truly the most impatient person – EVER!  I do know that God is trying to build me in areas that I am not already proficient at though, by allowing me to stay in this role of motherhood a little longer, by the adoption of our youngest almost two years ago. I guess he felt I really needed more time to have the fruit of the spirit developed in me and allowing a beautiful little child who needed a home to help me work through it all.

“Being a mom can vacillate between the sweetness of hugs and kisses to feeling like you are in jail.” 

Do you feel like that sometime?  It is true, we can often feel trapped and helpless…..overcome by what our to-do list has on it and the lack of un-interrupted time we have to do it in.  We are exhausted and putting severe pressure on ourselves to be perfect.  UGH!  That perfection can drive us really crazy.  If we just gave ourselves some grace….some much needed grace. I related to Sue’s discovery that she was choosing to be frustrated.  I can let myself easily fall into the same pattern.  I can control my thoughts and when I allow frustration to seep in, it will quickly destroy the environment.  My day can go down the drain and my attitude goes to the gutter.  I am ashamed to admit that I can easily get really frustrated, impatient and sour. I have to learn the true meaning of sacrifice.  I am serving this beautiful family of mine and when I can remind myself of this and have THAT be the expectation I can keep my attitude in check, along with my patience.  But when I allow the daily grind to overcome the feelings of a servants heart, that is when things fall apart. Spending time with the Lord daily is KEY!  The days that doesn’t happen are days that begin to fall apart for me early on.  Also, Sue reminds us that building strategies and routines into our day can help us have a buffer zone that will hopefully prevent melt-downs – yes, those melt-downs of our own!   When we lose our patience and yell or scream, it is us who have the melt-down, no our kids.  As adults, we are called to be adults and learn to manage our emotions – truly something I am still learning to do.

“Sometimes it is the simplest of things that restore peace and order to a mom’s perspective.”

I need to make to sure build into my day little bits of time where I can find restoration in the midst of busyness and stress.  I like to make time to workout – that is a big stress reliever for me, so making this a priority is a must.  I especially love my routine right now with my Focus T25 – doing it first thing in the morning has it crossed off my list and feeling very accomplished!!   I also like to play soothing music at home and it can make a huge difference in my state of mind.  Having Pandora has been a life saver for me, I can pick from so many types of music easily and without a lot of trouble.  Making time for myself to eat is another one I have to be intentional about.  I know for us moms, we take time to feed our kiddos the best stuff, and often we skip meals or just eat the left overs.  Your body need nourishment and you need to make it a priority.  Being hungry is a trigger for me to become cranky and irritated very fast! What are your tips and tricks to having more patience in your day?

The Benefits of Being a Selfish Mom

26
May
2014

Benefits-Selfish-Mom

Do you know your family is likely begging you to be more selfish?  Perhaps that seems a little far-fetched, but I do think it is true.

This thought came into my head last week as I was out for a 7 mile run, something that takes me a bit of time I will add!  This is usually a 2 hour commitment for me, with preparing to run, running, cooling down and showering, etc.  But you know what?  

I feel so much better when I give myself this gift, and I know I am much better with my family.

Perhaps even thinking of it as a gift may be wrong thinking.  It is a necessity.

So it has me thinking how often we moms make excuses that we don’t have time or can’t make the time to care for our own “seemingly selfish needs.”  I wrote a post a few weeks back on Not Being a Martyr Mom and I think this term Martyr comes into play in the same manner when it comes to caring for our own needs.  We like to kinda throw the “woe is me” card – or perhaps that it just me?

I have a choice each day, I can either play the victim and not take my needs seriously or I can be proactive and take charge of my time, my tasks and make the time to care for my needs.

What needs am I talking about?  The list is really endless, but for me it would entail – caring for my body in a physical way (running, strength training, a relaxing bath, pedicure, yoga, walks) caring for my spirit (daily quiet time, prayer, real quiet time with no noise and no “to-do” list, appreciating my blessings, journaling, writing).  That’s a start.

But I also know that depending on the season of motherhood it can be hard to get time, but it is oh, so important for you to do that.  When you do, do you know what happens?  Let me share with you what I know it does for me. 

Rested

I feel more rested and better about myself when I can take the time to care for my needs.  We sacrifice a lot – by choice, don’t get me wrong – motherhood is good, believe me, but it is OK to care for our needs too.  We do not always have to give, give, give and give more.  You are not created to run on fumes, so refueling our bodies is really necessary.

Connected

I find myself feeling refreshed and able to connect with my entire family more often when my needs are met.  I am more engaged in activities rather than trying to carve out any bit of silence and alone time, especially since I am an introvert.  I am happy to plan activities to share together – I am just plain more fun!  My entire family likes this, so came my question, “Do you know your family is begging you to be a selfish mom?”  They want you completely present, refreshed and energized, rather than just “there”.  Wouldn’t you agree?

Priorities

You can get to a place where you learn to prioritize better, that is what I have found.  I know that things will run smoother when I take the hour to get some exercise or get up an hour early so I can sit quietly and read.  I know my body and I know what it needs.  I can then use those same principles to look at other areas in my life and manage them as well, whether tasks, time with my husband or writing obligations.  It is a balancing act and learning how to care for our needs is important.

Happy Mom = Happy Family

Honestly, the bottom line for me is, I know I am much more pleasant to be around when I step up to the plate and take care of myself.  When my body feels good, my spirit is fresh – I am much better able to handle those curve balls that come into play – you know exactly the ones I mean.

So what can you do today to gov yourself a break and be selfish?  I am sure your family will actually thank you for it! 

No More Perfect Moms Week FIVE

24
Feb
2014

Main-No-More-Perfect-Moms

 Last week there really wasn’t a lot of conversation, so I am thinking either the topic was not a big one for most, or everyone was really busy and didn’t read!  It’s okay….I totally understand and won’t get my feelings hurt.

This week we are talking about our marriages.  Even if you are not married, I suggest you read the chapter – you just never know what insight and wisdom you may gain to help another friend who might be experiencing a hard time.  Isn’t it great we can be used in so many ways by God?

“You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”      Sam Keen

Here is the agenda for this week:

{If you are viewing this post via email, you will need to click through to the website to view the video}

 

Week 5:  February 24 – 28, 2014

Monday – watch the video, download the discussion questions for WEEK FIVE  {I wanted a slice of that cake they were eating, it looked really good, especially with a cup of coffee!}

Tuesday – come prepared by having read Chapter Five, join the conversation

Wednesday – check in over at Facebook for a few questions – I will try to post a few through the day, but will be on a flight  {YIPPEEEEEE, can’t even hardly stand it excitement here – to Hawaii…..ahhhhhh, but will do my best – and yes, I will share photos!!}

Thursday – read the blog post on applying what we’ve learned this week; get started reading Chapter 6

Was there something that spoke to you in the video?  

What do you appreciate about your husband?

What have you learned over the years during your marriage?

 

Please share in the comments and hop over to the Facebook page.   

No More Perfect Moms Week TWO

3
Feb
2014

Main-No-More-Perfect-Moms

I loved our first week together – so much conversation on the Facebook page and discovery.  The biggest one – that we all have the same thoughts inside our little heads – buzzing around.  Even though you may have thought you were the only one who had those thoughts, you are not alone.

Does this resonate with anyone?

“I think the word that often describes my day is feeling of inadequacy. I try so hard to do everything…. From cleaning to working out and mostly being mommy and a wife. Yet no matter how hard I try there is not enough time in the day and I always mis-manage my time. I hate the feeling when you have worked so hard on your home all day but feel like you missed playing with the kids. Finding the balance is so hard.”

 We all struggle with those same feelings  :-)

Here is the agenda for this week:

 

Week 2:  February 3 – 7, 2014

Monday – watch the video, download the discussion questions for WEEK TWO

Tuesday – come prepared by having read Chapter Two, join the conversation

Wednesday – check in over at Facebook for a few questions

Thursday – read the blog post on applying what we’ve learned this week; get started reading Chapter 3

Was there something that spoke to you in the video?  Please share in the comments and hop over to the Facebook page.  What have you enjoyed the most from this study so far?

The Danger of Comparison

30
Jan
2014

Comparison-Main-Motherhood

We’ve been sharing about the effect comparing ourselves has on our self-esteem, motivation and our perceived reality.  Comparison is like a poison that quickly seeps into other areas, creating dissatisfaction, and discontentment.  

Not too long ago I was going through a very discontent season and God called me out on it, I shared about it here.  I was spent and tired and felt really lost – but when I pushed in to find grace and ask forgiveness, God met me and healed my heart.

When Jill talked about how our high expectations end up fueling these scenes we see played out so perfectly in others’ lives, I saw very clearly how they can be a breeding ground for discontentment with our real lives.  What is worse is that we don’t even know it until it has truly poisoned our thinking and view.  We end up having a distorted perspective and viewpoint, she says this:

“It’s a subtle erosion of our satisfaction.  If we don’t recognize it, the discontentment can turn into disappointment, and then the disappointment can eventually turn into disillusionment.”

We need to keep our perspective clear and not fogged by the lenses we look at daily.  Unless you do not turn on TV, go to the grocery store, a PTA meeting for check Facebook – you are bombarded with what seems perfect.  

Take a step forward and recognize the desire that lies within to compare yourself to others.  When you recognize it and name it, it is a bit easier to try to curb.

APPLY

Here is the topic for this week from our discussion questions:

Identify one place where you tend to unfairly compare yourself to other moms.  Some  places to consider might include church, moms groups, grocery store, your child’s school, Facebook, mommy blogs, magazines, etc.  Ask God to help you identify when you are unconsciously making comparisons.  When you realize what you are doing, thank God for showing you your unconscious thoughts.  Then thank Him for making YOU the unique mom that you are.

Spillin’ the Beans

Here is where I come clean and answer the above for you.  

So, I struggle with several areas, all at the same time!  You see, I am right now an “older” mom of a toddler.  Most of those who have kids the age of my son, four, are much younger than I.  So perhaps they are in a bit better shape, wear cuter clothes because they are just a bit more “hip” and also have a fresher viewpoint of motherhood than I do.  

I struggle with not wanting to do all the crafty things I may have done with my kids who are much older when they were my son’s age.  I feel like I don’t fit in.  Period.  That is the exact line that has been achy to be released from my heart.

I don’t fit in as a mom of a four year old at 46 {almost 47}.

This is where I need to stop the train and check out what is TRUTH.  The Truth is that God placed this little guy in my life for a specific reason.  I may not know and understand what that reason is {okay, there are many reasons I do know, but don’t understand it all yet!}  I do know and believe there is a much bigger reason and beast that I am trying to conquer with this feeling that I don’t fit it all the time in this season.  Maybe it is to stay uncomfortable so I can help other moms who may be experiencing similar feelings – God doesn’t want us to get too comfortable because that can lead to pride – ouch!  Been guilty of that.

Perhaps being confident is good, but He doesn’t want me to become ‘over-confident’?  That could surely be the case as well.  Whatever the reason, I hope to find out one day, but for now I know I need to recognize when I compare, hold onto the truth, which is – God placed this little boy in my life at just this time because I was perfect for him to have as his mom.  I need to write that down over and over again, to have it embed in my heart and not let the enemies lies seep in.

I ask you, can you do the same???  Write a one sentence TRUTH out that you can hold onto even when you are feeling stuck in the comparison trap?

Get a jumpstart on your reading over the weekend by reading Chapter Two – feel free to share in the community over on the Facebook page and I will be back on Monday with our Week Two schedule.